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A buyers guide to N+1 happiness for married men

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Created by Plummet Two weeks ago, 3 Apr 2019
Plummet
4388 posts
3 Apr 2019 5:53PM
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There are many methods of engagement with the CFO. I've tried most of them over the years.

The secret squirrel -
Hide the money away and secretly buy the gear. Eventually, she notices and gets pissed off.

Pocket money -
Pay myself $50 a week build up a sum and buy gear..... that died a death when kids came along.

Seek forgiveness -
Buy the gear and inform them after you have got the new kit. You get rage factor 9 but you're still grinning because you have new gear. It's far better than asking permission and being denied.

Liquidation -
Sell everything you have including your left testicle and grandmother to fund the new purchase. Eventually, you run out of testicles and grandmothers. But it generally works to keep purchased levels below rage factor 7.

Confusion -
I'm going to buy this, then sell that, at the same time ill make this part and grind that back which should make this worth more when I come to sell it and ill add this smoke, with that mirror mixed with these grains of salt. Then if I time it by PI divided by the hypotenuse and I can detect gravitational waves and slightly shift spacetime But only if i spend more time researching string theory, By the way, what do you want for dinner? I'm cleaning my teeth. ........... Just keep going on and on until you see her eyes glaze over and she says "whatever" and walks off.

Jedi mind trick mixed with Alzheimer's-
Yes, you agreed that I would buy a new kite. (speaking like Luke). Yes, you did. I will buy a new kite, You agree!..... what you don't remember talking about it? how can that be we had this discussion last week? We need to get you checked out by a doctor if you can't remember such an important discussion!. Shall I make an appointment?

The Dog Box-
During a heated Argument about something else just through in " and im buy a new kite" as you storm off. You are already in the dog box, buying a new kite won't make it any worse..... Or if you are an evil bastard. Create an argument about something unrelated and just throw the new kite purchase in. Oh dear, that's a nasty one.

The pre-emptive strike -
Tell the missis you intend on buying an N+1 in a few months time. You get some rage, maybe Factor 2 or 3.
But she can't be too mad because you haven't actually purchased anything yet. When you actually purchase the gear she has gone through all the stages of grief of lose for the $$ spent on something as ludicrous as a bag of fabric happiness.

These days I use a combo of the pre-emptive strike, liquidation, and confusion to get the n+1 capex approval.

cauncy
WA, 7049 posts
3 Apr 2019 6:05PM
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Simply chew the fur now n then, coming up for air to drop the hint on new Kite gear, works a treat

Plummet
4388 posts
3 Apr 2019 6:15PM
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cauncy said..
Simply chew the fur now n then, coming up for air to drop the hint on new Kite gear, works a treat


Cauncy you are a cunning linguist,

Never has a truer word been uttered from the tip of your tongue.


exal
31 posts
3 Apr 2019 7:29PM
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good job on wearing the pants ...

Gorgo
VIC, 4134 posts
3 Apr 2019 11:08PM
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Just say "It's for safety." Works every time.

Plan B, point out that it's healthy and good fun and keeps you sane. It's better than being a depressed, alcoholic, smoking, gambling addicted abuser.

MikeyG
WA, 100 posts
3 Apr 2019 8:16PM
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Trojan horse technique... just bring in some new gear and tell her it's the old gear. Only works if the other half doesn't check the bank balance...

(although I'm sure she uses the same technique on bags/shoes/jewellery)

2stubborn2quit
WA, 104 posts
3 Apr 2019 8:45PM
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Yep... you can tell its the end of the season.
But I bought new kites while she was away on holidays.
I have also used the, "I am buying this kite for our child" routine.

lotofwind
NSW, 5016 posts
3 Apr 2019 11:53PM
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Just say,
" Im the one who works and makes the money so you can enjoy lazing around all day in my house that I paid for while your watching the mid day movie......and why isn't dinner ready yet??"






Then run.

MDSXR6T
WA, 975 posts
3 Apr 2019 11:03PM
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It sounds like some of you need a new mrs before a new kite?

If you can genuinely afford something you want and are actually going to use and value it, i don't see why there should be an issue with one person saying no? I mean who cares if your mrs spends $200 on a pair of jeans if it makes her happy and you both have the money? Goes both ways.

Not once in 14 years has my mrs ever said don't buy something if we can afford to do so. Same goes for me as well and if we can't afford something we are both smart enough not to buy it.

We've both bought some rubbish though but have an agreement that if it's a dud purchase it goes on Gumtree sooner rather than later.

eppo
WA, 6916 posts
4 Apr 2019 6:53AM
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Above. My missus is the same. But I still do the dodge, dive, duck, dip and dodge anyway .... must be an inbuilt genetically coded inbuilt defence mechanism...

MikeC4
VIC, 10 posts
4 Apr 2019 12:27PM
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Years ago a guy at work wanted something his CFO wouldn't endorse.
He squirrelled away the lunch money for months and any spare change he had.
Bought the item from the shop for cash.
Then had the store ring up his wife................
"We cant get hold of Mr X at work, but his land line was on the back of his business card. He's won the store's business card drop promotion grand prize of a 1/16 scale radio controlled Tamiya Tiger Tank valued at $500, please let him know so he can collect it".
The CFO rang the bloke all excited for him.
It worked........

Bara
WA, 438 posts
4 Apr 2019 9:43AM
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Gorgo said..
Just say "It's for safety." Works every time.

Plan B, point out that it's healthy and good fun and keeps you sane. It's better than being a depressed, alcoholic, smoking, gambling addicted abuser.


yep - old gear is dangerous and you may drown if you keep using it. need the new "safer" stuff

100% success

NorthernKitesAUS
QLD, 733 posts
4 Apr 2019 11:57AM
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I am so happy this thread got started. N+1

Peahi
VIC, 1035 posts
4 Apr 2019 12:58PM
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I buy and sell so many kites my wife has given up trying to keep track, but when I do sell one I share some of the cash and everyone is happy.

The other one that works is leaving old gear at the local, build up a store credit over time.

theDoctor
NSW, 4714 posts
4 Apr 2019 2:12PM
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Select to expand quote
MikeC4 said..
Years ago a guy at work wanted something his CFO wouldn't endorse.
He squirrelled away the lunch money for months and any spare change he had.
Bought the item from the shop for cash.
Then had the store ring up his wife................
"We cant get hold of Mr X at work, but his land line was on the back of his business card. He's won the store's business card drop promotion grand prize of a 1/16 scale radio controlled Tamiya Tiger Tank valued at $500, please let him know so he can collect it".
The CFO rang the bloke all excited for him.
It worked........



A remote controlled toy tank...?
He was probably too embarrassed to tell her he bought it.

alverstone
WA, 487 posts
4 Apr 2019 11:27AM
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cauncy said..
Simply chew the fur now n then, coming up for air to drop the hint on new Kite gear, works a treat



Where is said "fur" in this age of pelvic topiary?

Plummet
4388 posts
4 Apr 2019 1:21PM
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alverstone said..

cauncy said..
Simply chew the fur now n then, coming up for air to drop the hint on new Kite gear, works a treat




Where is said "fur" in this age of pelvic topiary?


40+ year olds...

Plummet
4388 posts
4 Apr 2019 1:23PM
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Gorgo said..
Just say "It's for safety." Works every time.

Plan B, point out that it's healthy and good fun and keeps you sane. It's better than being a depressed, alcoholic, smoking, gambling addicted abuser.


Oh yeah, the safety card. I pulled that one out on my last purchase. My old 2012 kite exploded 1km out to sea which meant a looooong swim and decent amount of time contemplating using old worn gear when a distance out to see....

Sandfoot
VIC, 316 posts
4 Apr 2019 6:36PM
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I found it hard to tell the missus that im already over a kite, bloke below has more than one ?

www.seabreeze.com.au/Classifieds/Kitesurfing-Kites/~l4shh/2019-Duotone-Dice-78910-metre.aspx?_page=1&search=yxrOHND3sv5gWRFqZyixpIBPSRP7ToOS

Try one of each size -- 4 kites........thats gotta hurt

link didnt work - hes got duotone dice 7 8 9 10 used once in seabreeze buy sell

natho6026961
WA, 14 posts
4 Apr 2019 8:28PM
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I think an existential discussion with the missus can really help set the mood before a big kite-related purchase (in fact it can be used for any purchase).

cauncy
WA, 7049 posts
4 Apr 2019 9:13PM
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Lick the pink
get A hyperlink

eppo
WA, 6916 posts
4 Apr 2019 9:33PM
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Get the kite shop on the phone after you've used the dildotone.

Phoney
NSW, 413 posts
5 Apr 2019 9:15AM
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I've never had this problem with new gear.

But tell her I'm going to Sri Lanka for 2 weeks... Then there's smoke out of the ears and sparks flying.

THE PIN PULLER
WA, 267 posts
6 Apr 2019 6:45PM
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If you knew then what you'd know now the world would be less populated. All concubines would also be intact !

eppo
WA, 6916 posts
7 Apr 2019 1:47PM
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Wisdom right there above .... youth is wasted on the young that's for sure.

Saffer
VIC, 4379 posts
8 Apr 2019 11:56AM
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Sometimes you are just unlucky...

I was walking through St Kilda when suddenly I find this lamp on the ground. It seems like a nice lamp but it's a little dirty so I rub it clean and I can give it to my wife as a present. Suddenly there is a big puff of smoke and this genie appears and he says to me, "I'm the genie of the lamp, you have 3 wishes"

Something like this has never happened to me, so as an incredibly unselfish person, the first thing I wish for is world peace and the genie says "your wish is granted, the whole world is now at peace". I check news website on my phone and there no wars on the front page so I figure it's legit. The second thing I wish for is an end to world hunger, and he says "your wish is granted, there will be no more hunger in the world". I look around for homeless people because there are always homeless people in St Kilda and I see a homeless guy eating a Big Mac so that pretty much guarantees it's legit because he doesn't look hungry.

I'm so impressed that I've changed the world single-handedly so the last thing I wish for is an endless credit card where I can buy stuff and my bank account just refills itself because if I have that, I can buy poor people stuff they need and I can always help people out. Given I'm near my local kite store, I walk into the local store and I buy an 11m and 8m on my credit card just to test it out. I'm not greedy, so I don't buy 10 kites and board, I'm not like that.

As I am walking out, I decided I better check my bank statement to see how it works because I'm not sure if the magic lamp gives me a never-ending balance, or it just gets topped up when I need it. Then I realise, the money has come off my own money so the genie lied to me. I turn around and the genie is gone so I check the news and there isn't world peace, and I see people are still hungry and I realise that the genie was a lying scum-bag and I'm annoyed. I can't go back to the kite store because there is a restocking fee so I can't return the kites or I lose money.

Now I am home and the problem now is my wife doesn't believe me about the genie and the lamp, and I have new kites, an old lamp and it looks like I'm the bad guy instead of the innocent victim of a bad genie scam.

Plummet
4388 posts
8 Apr 2019 2:32PM
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Saffer said..
Sometimes you are just unlucky...

I was walking through St Kilda when suddenly I find this lamp on the ground. It seems like a nice lamp but it's a little dirty so I rub it clean and I can give it to my wife as a present. Suddenly there is a big puff of smoke and this genie appears and he says to me, "I'm the genie of the lamp, you have 3 wishes"

Something like this has never happened to me, so as an incredibly unselfish person, the first thing I wish for is world peace and the genie says "your wish is granted, the whole world is now at peace". I check news website on my phone and there no wars on the front page so I figure it's legit. The second thing I wish for is an end to world hunger, and he says "your wish is granted, there will be no more hunger in the world". I look around for homeless people because there are always homeless people in St Kilda and I see a homeless guy eating a Big Mac so that pretty much guarantees it's legit because he doesn't look hungry.

I'm so impressed that I've changed the world single-handedly so the last thing I wish for is an endless credit card where I can buy stuff and my bank account just refills itself because if I have that, I can buy poor people stuff they need and I can always help people out. Given I'm near my local kite store, I walk into the local store and I buy an 11m and 8m on my credit card just to test it out. I'm not greedy, so I don't buy 10 kites and board, I'm not like that.

As I am walking out, I decided I better check my bank statement to see how it works because I'm not sure if the magic lamp gives me a never-ending balance, or it just gets topped up when I need it. Then I realise, the money has come off my own money so the genie lied to me. I turn around and the genie is gone so I check the news and there isn't world peace, and I see people are still hungry and I realise that the genie was a lying scum-bag and I'm annoyed. I can't go back to the kite store because there is a restocking fee so I can't return the kites or I lose money.

Now I am home and the problem now is my wife doesn't believe me about the genie and the lamp, and I have new kites, an old lamp and it looks like I'm the bad guy instead of the innocent victim of a bad genie scam.


Bloody hell the exact same thing just happened to me. It must be an International serial genie scam. Quick call interpol.

eppo
WA, 6916 posts
8 Apr 2019 3:43PM
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Was it the same Nigerian genie
dressed in drag that scammed me. ?

Kamikuza
QLD, 3760 posts
11 Apr 2019 10:09AM
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Don't marry a ****?

Plummet
4388 posts
12 Apr 2019 3:51PM
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Kamikuza said..
Don't marry a ****?


All women are at least a 4 crazy. You just have to find one that fits your type of crazy.

For dudes looking to snag themselves a wife. The below is all you need to know.



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"A buyers guide to N+1 happiness for married men" started by Plummet